Monday, March 22, 2010

Nothing serious…

But, with tongue firmly it cheek.

Political aptitude

If the delinquencies and defaults on sub-prime lending were due to predatory lending and FHA loans are experiencing similar rates, which is true?
1) We tax payers have decided to become predatory sub-prime lenders and take advantage of borrowers
2) There really are foolish borrowers although they can’t distinguish themselves from victims
3) Lending money and getting paid back is not as easy as we are told
4) During a period of rising housing prices bankers are dumb enough to lend 95-100% of the price believing prices only go up, but it takes a government agency to do it when prices are falling
5) Politicians don’t think defaults matter because they can modify the loans that get behind, give the borrowers reduced payments, and be out of office before the chickens come home to roust.
6) All of the above

If you implement a mortgage loan mitigation program that provides a reduced payment by the borrower, and then a large portion of the people re-default after going through the program, it suggests:
1) That it’s time to claim the banks aren’t mitigating loans fast enough
2) It should be blamed on unemployment whether the people are working or not
3) You need to ask for more money
4) Push for control of consumer protection since you’ve demonstrated by 1, 2,& 3 above that you know how to do it
5) Make sure no one mentions balance sheets of the borrowers, because, heaven forbid people start thinking about balance sheets
6) Pay some first time home buyers to move into homes regardless of whether they can afford them in order to insure a future supply of troubled loans
7) Claim success and move on to a new issue

Math aptitude

A trillion is to a hundred billion as:
1) A dollar is to a dime
2) A Democrat is to a Republican
3) A Chinese lender is to a Japanese lender
4) Heartburn is to a headache
5) I don’t care I’m not paying it back, it’s the kids’ problem
6) A better way to buy votes
7) All of the above

If the government is planning to spend $3.6-3.7 trillion and take in $2.4 trillion then:
1) The party in power will get re-elected
2) It’s time to plan a new $800 billion program
3) It’s not a problem if you attack anyone who questions the wisdom; they’re dinosaurs or right wing conspirators
4) It’s a clear indication that someone else needs blame
5) Reaffirm that taxes will only go up on bad guys who are, of course, someone else
6) Who cares? Ask for a re-count and claim it’s just scoring

Vocabulary aptitude

The media refers to loans to businesses as bailouts because:
1) They think most people don’t understand that debts have to be repaid.
2) Paying debts is actually optional and the Chinese just haven’t figured it out
3) Money lent by a bank is exploitation, but government loans are different
4) Most reporters are up to there eyeballs in debt and think that’s a good thing
5) They’re journalism majors, not math majors, and someone keeps putting numbers on the page and confusing a good story by trying to interject facts
6) Every reporter knows the lender of last resort is supposed to be a subsidy for the arts
7) Who gives a darn? Someone’s making more money than I am and that’s not fair.

Toxic assets are:
1) Shorthand for I think you can’t understand this, so string some meaningless words together and try to slip it by
2) Shorthand for, my God, if I explain this to you, then you will understand and be really mad, so string some meaningless words together and try to slip it by
3) An oxymoron that slips by the media because they lost their dictionaries
4) All assets since they can’t be spent today
5) Any asset on the books at a price other than the market price because markets are always right
6) The prefect investment for a public pension since the bond payments can be matched with unfunded pension obligations and the people promising the pension payments will be out of office when the thing blows up.

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